When dealing with kids ... just breathe

I've discovered that I'm not as patient as I used to be - or maybe I'm just not as patient as I thought I was.

Being a rookie step-mom has been a constant measure of my patience as well as my ability to think on my feet.  Like, what will I actually do if I get to 3 and the kid doesn't stop?  Honestly, half the time I don't have a clue.  My husband, on the other hand, seems to be able to come up with consequences in a heartbeat.  Granted, he's been doing this longer than I have.  And he's been doing it with these particular kids.  But still I wonder ... should I sit up at night after the kids go to bed & put together a list of consequences that I can use in any situation?

Column A - for major incidents (hitting, throwing deadly objects, spitting/peeing/flinging other nasty (and unidentifiable) fluids on other kids, breaking grandma's vase, you get the picture):

- No TV for a week

- No Nintendo for a week

- No scooter, bike, movies (or pick your own favorite toy, activity, or privilege) for a week

(There's something about a week that seems to resonate well for major offenses.  Why is that?  Think about that later. )

On to Column B - for minor issues (bad manners at the table, talking back, running like a maniac through the house, etc.):

- Time out - length based on severity of incident

- No dessert

- Go straight to bed after dinner

- Think of more ... why can't I think of more?

See what I mean, I need some serious practice in doling out effective yet appropriate consequences for misbehavior.  Or maybe, I just need to slow down and breathe.

Why am I getting all bent out of shape over these things?  I've realized over the past couple weeks that I'm starting to resemble the wicked stepmother in Cinderella, and I don't like what I see.  Has it really come to this?  Sure, I want to have well-mannered, respectful, bright children and be the envy of the after-school carpool crowd, but I don't have to become a tyrant in my own home.

My kids deserve better than that, and I deserve to enjoy my time with them more like my husband does.  So I've decided to breathe more, to use the strategy of slowing down before I react (unless someone is about to inflict bodily harm, of course), and ask myself if the misbehavior of the moment is really something that needs an immediate consequence.

Perhaps there can be more talking and less yelling, more learning and fewer rolling eyes, more playing and fewer minutes spent in time out.  And perhaps the kids are going to turn out fine after all.

Welcome to AlterNatives!

Hmmmm ... a chance to write things that will hopefully be meaningful to those who read them.  This is an opportunity I simply can't pass up.

  

As a long time member of the "works too much" club, this is a chance for me to break from the day-to-day routine of commuting and pushing paper and talk about things that are important to me.  Not that I can claim "expertise" on too many things, but I have had significant experiences that I think could be useful to the masses of blog readers visiting this site.

A few topic areas I'll be covering include:

• Kids & Parenting -- The two little people in my life certainly keep me and my husband hopping, and we learn something new every day!  Sharing our more profound lessons and some of our "a-ha" moments might bring you some insight, or maybe just a good laugh.
• Living Life Well -- Outside of my paid job, I love helping people live their lives in ways that bring them more happiness, satisfaction & smiles.  I certainly don't have all the answers, but I'll share with you some of the strategies that have worked for me and others. And I hope you will find something of interest to you and those you love, too!
• Education -- I've been working in colleges and universities for my entire adult life, and I can say with some authority that I've learned the ins and outs of higher education.  I'll talk about what it takes to go to college & be successful.  Most posts will be related to public community college & university settings, but I've also worked in the private arena, so some of this will ultimately sneak in from time to time.
• Relationships -- Married, single or a status you can't quite figure out? As humans, we are constantly seeking to make our relationships more meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling.  Whether you've found love, are seeking love or are looking for ways to appreciate your friends more, we'll take a look at the ups and downs of relationships today.

Along the way, you'll undoubtedly find my writing infused with desert themes from beautiful Arizona, animal stories because I love furry creatures, and general musings on everyday life - loving well, appreciating each day and recognizing the humor that daily living can bring.

I hope you'll be inspired to leave some comments - my ego especially likes the positive ones :) -- and to visit often.

For now, it's time to see what the kids are up to.  Until next time ...