When dealing with kids ... just breathe

I've discovered that I'm not as patient as I used to be - or maybe I'm just not as patient as I thought I was.

Being a rookie step-mom has been a constant measure of my patience as well as my ability to think on my feet.  Like, what will I actually do if I get to 3 and the kid doesn't stop?  Honestly, half the time I don't have a clue.  My husband, on the other hand, seems to be able to come up with consequences in a heartbeat.  Granted, he's been doing this longer than I have.  And he's been doing it with these particular kids.  But still I wonder ... should I sit up at night after the kids go to bed & put together a list of consequences that I can use in any situation?

Column A - for major incidents (hitting, throwing deadly objects, spitting/peeing/flinging other nasty (and unidentifiable) fluids on other kids, breaking grandma's vase, you get the picture):

- No TV for a week

- No Nintendo for a week

- No scooter, bike, movies (or pick your own favorite toy, activity, or privilege) for a week

(There's something about a week that seems to resonate well for major offenses.  Why is that?  Think about that later. )

On to Column B - for minor issues (bad manners at the table, talking back, running like a maniac through the house, etc.):

- Time out - length based on severity of incident

- No dessert

- Go straight to bed after dinner

- Think of more ... why can't I think of more?

See what I mean, I need some serious practice in doling out effective yet appropriate consequences for misbehavior.  Or maybe, I just need to slow down and breathe.

Why am I getting all bent out of shape over these things?  I've realized over the past couple weeks that I'm starting to resemble the wicked stepmother in Cinderella, and I don't like what I see.  Has it really come to this?  Sure, I want to have well-mannered, respectful, bright children and be the envy of the after-school carpool crowd, but I don't have to become a tyrant in my own home.

My kids deserve better than that, and I deserve to enjoy my time with them more like my husband does.  So I've decided to breathe more, to use the strategy of slowing down before I react (unless someone is about to inflict bodily harm, of course), and ask myself if the misbehavior of the moment is really something that needs an immediate consequence.

Perhaps there can be more talking and less yelling, more learning and fewer rolling eyes, more playing and fewer minutes spent in time out.  And perhaps the kids are going to turn out fine after all.