Time to Blog

I've been reading a bunch of stuff on the best mommy blogs out there, and I've had a chance to visit several of them over the past few days. All I can say is "Wow!" I wish I could do that!

I'm in constant amazement at what other moms seem to be capable of. It's not even the big stuff that gets me - I mean, getting your blog into the top 10 or 50 out there is awesome, but I'm even amazed that anyone with little creatures in there house has any time to write, much less make it that good!

Maybe it's just my own lack of time/organization, but I find it nearly impossible to sit down at my computer and write. I think I have plenty of good ideas, but between baby time and big kid time and husband time, I can't seem to get in enough writing time. I know a lot of people will use nap time to write (that's what I'm doing now), but little Scooter isn't consistent enough with his naps to allow me to luxury of having both hands free for a reliable amount of time. Daddy put him down today, and he's doing great, but Daddy isn't always available and I'm still struggling with the whole sleep thing (see previous posts).

But it's liberating to be able to put even a few thoughts down on paper - well, I guess it's more accurate to say "in computer" - and I hope I have more frequent opportunities to do this in the future. Even if it takes a while, perhaps I'll get enough going to make me feel like I have a real blog! That would be fun!

Sleep, Sleeep, Sleeeeeep!

So I just re-read my post from October, and all I can say is, "oh well." My little Scooter (not his real name) got the hang of going to sleep on his own, then the holidays came, we travelled, and it looks like we're back to square one.

Each night brings all the anxious & hopeful feelings of successful sleepers everywhere right into the baby's room, and we begin the bedtime dance. Some nights he goes to sleep just fine, other nights ... not so much. He's better at doing it on his own than he used to be, but I still find myself praying to the sandman each night to help him drift off peacefully and sleep through the night.

My husband is much better at letting him cry for a little while and then helping him go back down on his own. It's like he works some kind of magic in there that I haven't figured out yet. I'm just a sucker for the little guy and he knows it, so the desperate cries and theatrics generally get the better of me after a while. I know ... I have to be strong and keep in mind that it's better for him in the long run if he figures out how to go to sleep by himself. I'm trying. For now, I just have to KEEP trying and toughen up against the sweetest little guy in the world. Put in a good word with the sandman for me and wish me luck!

Mommy Milestones

I'm sitting here listening to my baby cry & trying to stay occupied so I don't run in to comfort him.  Sounds harsh but we're in day 2 of sleep training.  We probably should have done this months ago - he's already 9 months old - but it just didn't seem right to make him cry and cry.  Plus, we were traveling a lot, so sleep routines were meaningless anyway.  Now it's just time, for his sake and ours.

The good news is, he's doing great!  I've read horror stories about babies (and mommies) crying for hours.  My little overachiever has already stopped for the night.  So tonight he went about 12 minutes before settling down.  I'm so proud of him!  And I hope it's not a fluke.  It's so hard to hear him crying and even harder to put him down when he's clinging to me for dear life.  I just hope he really does get the hang of it and I don't have to keep tearing myself away like that.

For now, I'm sticking to the theory that my baby is doing a wonderful job of learning the ropes & figuring out how to become more independent.  As much as I'd like to keep him my little baby, I know I need to give him the tools to become my little man.  Day by day, I guess we're both learning.

Homemade Garden Wedding Invitations

Do it yourself wedding invitations are easier than you think, especially if you have a computer and printer available. There are many kits available for purchase at craft stores that you can easily personalize and that include pre-made invitation cards, response inserts and envelopes for reasonable prices.

But I personally liked the idea of putting a bit of my own creativity to work, and came up with this idea for my own wedding. We actually used these as placecards/favors, but turning them into invitations would be a snap as well.

Eco-friendly, Garden-inspired Invitations Made Easy

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The first thing I did was search the internet for special paper with flower seeds embedded in it. The papers are beautiful with a charming homemade look and feel, and they come in a huge array of colors, so you can pick the right one for your wedding. You can find good selections by doing a simple Google search. Some sites offer the paper in bulk - this is what we did - or for a little more, you can buy them pre-made into cards. Check out these sites for ideas (but be sure to compare prices because they can vary quite a bit, especially for shipping).

• Botanical Paper Works
• Flower Seed Company
• Of the Earth

If you buy the bulk sheets (often sold as wrapping paper), you'll need to cut them to the right size, but this will also allow you to make them truly customized for your special day.

Since you can't run the paper through the printer, you'll need an overlay sheet unless you're a calligrapher and plan to hand-write each invitation. The easiest way to do this is by getting some vellum sheets - the semi-transparent pages you often see in scrapbooking. These are readily available at craft stores in the scrapbooking section and can be purchased by the sheet or in packs of 50 or more sheets. It comes in standard 8 1/2 x 11, so it's easy to run through any printer.

Then once you select your invitation wording, print it onto the vellum (if you're using an inkjet, make sure the ink is dry before you do anything to it) and cut it just slightly smaller than your seed paper. Then attach the vellum to the front of the seed paper with a ribbon, small flower or other decorative piece. You now have a beautiful, handmade invitation! And it also serves as a keepsake to be planted as a reminder that your love will continue to "bloom" as you begin your new life together - just remember to include the planting instructions!

Knowing When to Quit Your Job

One of my college advisors used to say, "when it stops being fun, that's when you know it's time to stop." I think she was wise, and I've followed this advice throughout my life. But it's never an easy decision to quit your job and move on. It can be scary, both from an emotional perspective and a financial one. So how do you know it's time?

7 Signs That It May be Time to Move On

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1. Getting up every morning to go to work is getting more difficult. If you're finding yourself having to drag yourself out of bed each day dreading the trip to work, then this may be the first sign that you're on your way out. We spend a huge portion of our lives at work, and if it has become something that you dread, it's time to think about why you're doing it. Many people move in and out of relationships because they're not working out - they no longer enjoy that person's company or they realize they are moving in different directions - but they stay in a job that makes them less than fulfilled. If your relationship with your job is no longer challenging, satisfying, interesting, stimulating, etc., it's time to ask yourself if it's time to move on. Similarly, if you find it's getting easier to sneak out of work a little early, this is a sign of the same thing.
2. You're finding it difficult to focus while you're at work and/or you're less productive than you used to be. People who are at the threshold of leaving a job often find themselves having difficulty staying engaged with their current work. Unless you're a brain surgeon, or in another job that requires your full attention, you may find your mind wandering into non-work-related thoughts. You may even think about other things you'd rather be doing for a living. It may be important at this point to make sure you're not using your current work computer or other resources to start a new business or search for your next job on company time. Remember, as unhappy as you may be, this place is still paying your salary, and you may need your current employer as a reference and/or as an entree into your next job. It's important not to burn any bridges - you never know if you'll need the benefit of good relationships to help you in the future. But if it's becoming a struggle to stay focused and get your day-to-day job duties done, just be sure you're staying on top of the critical tasks and think about whether or not this is still the place for you.
3. You're finding yourself way more productive than your co-workers but you're bored or finding yourself with time on your hands. If this sounds like you, then you may have reached your peak in your current job. Especially if you're smart & have a good work ethic, you may have gone as far as your current job can take you. If you're no longer challenged or learning something new, you'll easily find yourself bored and/or ready to move onto something that will help you keep learning and growing in whatever is your chosen field. It's both natural and desirable to find work that will stimulate us and feed our need for feeling like we're contributing something important. Things that come to easily to use will feel like they're less significant than things that take a little more hard work. So, finishing your work quickly and twiddling your thumbs for the rest of the day feels like a waste of your time and talent, and it may be time to pack up & move up to something different.
4. Opportunity is knocking. Sometimes, others recognize potential in us before we do. If people are seeking you out for your expertise or asking for your help, it's probably a sign that they feel you have something valuable to offer. Perhaps it's something related to your current job. I could also be something you just do because you're good at it and you love it - like someone who loves soccer coaching their kid's soccer team - or something you do as a hobby. Learn to recognize these opportunities and take some time to evaluate whether you could turn these into your day job.

5. You're feeling physical signs of distress or discomfort. Oftentimes, our bodies have a way of telling us important things, if only we'd listen. It took me a while to learn this lesson, but once I learned to listen to my body I learned that it had great insight into what was making me happy and what was no longer good for me. I started noticing that every time I drove into my former company's parking garage, I would get a huge headache or my knee or stomach would start hurting, but as soon as I left for the day, I felt better. The stress of simply parking my car at work was making me sick. Admittedly, not everyone may experience physical symptoms, but if you do, and there are no medical reasons for them to be happening (DO get them checked out by your doctor first!), you may want to ask yourself what else might be going on, and if it's work, remind yourself that your job is not worth your physical health.
6. You just need a change. There are times in our lives where we simply feel we need a change. It could be for one of the reasons listed above, it could be to get out of a rut or it could be just to spice up our lives a bit. Perhaps your personal circumstances have changed since you got your job. For me, I got married & had a family, so I felt I needed to find work that allowed me to spend more time at home. Maybe you're looking to move to a different part of the country because you're tired of the heat/cold/whatever. There are a million reasons people need a change, so if this is you, take a look at your individual circumstances and see if changing jobs will give you what you need.
7. You've finally gotten to a place where you're financially secure and you don't need to work. What a great place to be! If you've done the planning or if you've been fortunate enough to come into some money, the time may be right to leave work behind. For some folks, it may mean that now you have the opportunity to follow your passion while for others it may mean just taking a break for a while. Whatever your circumstances, remember that this decision doesn't have to be forever unless you want it to be. If you want to work, you can still work, but since you don't "have to" anymore, you'll have the flexibility to find work that you love. And if you find that you want to re-enter the field you're leaving, just be sure to keep up with your contacts and stay current enough to make that re-entry a less daunting prospect in the future.

These 7 reasons certainly don't cover all the reasons you may want to consider quitting your job, but they touch on some of the more common ones I've seen in my experience as a career counselor.

No matter what situation you find yourself in, be sure to do a couple things before you actually turn in your resignation letter.

• Check your finances to see if you can afford to quit.
• If you can't, then line up another job before you quit the one you're in.
• Be sure not to burn bridges where you currently work - you may need them someday, and you never know if you may end up working for someone who currently seems insignificant to you.
• If you have a family or are in a significant relationship, talk over the decision with them - you may find support where you didn't expect it or you may find that you have more work to do before quitting your job can be a reality.
• Understand the consequences of quitting, and do all you can to prepare yourself to handle them well - both good and bad things can come of a decision to quit, so try to anticipate them and figure out how to respond to each consequence. Once you're comfortable with your hypothetical responses, you're closer to being ready.
• Once you make your final decision to quit, do it with conviction - that way, you'll go out on top and you'll be able to explain to any critics (not that you should have to explain yourself) your clear reasons why quitting is the right decision for you.

Beyond those tips, the actual act of quitting is sometimes a leap of faith. In the end, you have to do what feels right to you, and know that things will work out the way they're supposed to. Good luck!

Saying Goodbye - Both Happy and Sad

This weekend we said goodbye to my aunt.  It was a lesson to me in how to live a life of love and meaning as I sat in the church packed with family, friends and mere acquaintances who all took the time to come together to remember an incredible lady.  There were many, mostly family, who traveled a long way to be here, and others who came a few blocks because she meant enough to them to make the trip.  As most memorial services are, it was both a time of sadness for our loss and happy, sometimes funny, memories of someone we all loved.

Then the next day, the family gathered at our family gravesite to pay our respects to those who have already passed on.  I don't live near my relatives, but we have a unique family where all of my mom's family - our grandparents, aunts & uncles and cousins - all grew up together.  This means that all 16 of us cousins grew up like brothers & sisters and we all felt like we had 6 sets of parents.  It's incredible, now that the next generation is reaching adulthood, that we can still gather like this and feel like we're all part of a legacy of family completely dedicated to each other even though we have scattered around the country.

My aunt would have loved this, and my grandparents would have been proud to see us all there, together in unity experiencing both sadness at having to say goodbye to yet another loved one and joy in being together.  This was an opportunity for us "kids" to graduate to the next level and become the generation who is responsible for carrying on the family traditions and passing on our important lessons to our kids, so that they can take over someday.

My uncle gave each of us the opportunity to say something as we were gathered around the family plot, and for the first time, I really appreciated how special our family is and how all the years of growing together and gathering have allowed us to truly celebrate who we are and open up the deepest parts of ourselves to each other.  It's true that our loved ones who have already passed on still live on in each one of us - that was clearly evident yesterday.  And I believe it's also true that as long as there are those who remember you, your spirit will continue to live on.  Our task now is to keep those memories alive in our kids to pass them on to their kids, and so on, to keep this special family living on forever.

Dealing with Dying

Death is not an easy topic for anyone, but I’m coming to understand that it is something we will all have to face sooner or later. For me, unfortunately, it’s sooner.

My dad has cancer. It has spread to the point that there is nothing traditional medicine can do for him except keep him comfortable. I still can’t figure out how comfortable you can be when you know you have cancer growing in your belly, but at least he doesn’t seem to be in a lot of pain right now. He’s been living with his cancer diagnosis for over a year now, and while he is clearly deteriorating, he’s also hanging on and fighting as hard as he can.

On the other hand, my aunt seemed to be in constant pain. She passed away 3 days ago, and while I hate to say it, it’s probably better that she’s not suffering anymore. Her battle with cancer came with the diagnosis only 2 weeks ago, which led to agonizing days of watching her wasting away quickly and unable to escape the pain. She wasn't able to talk or otherwise communicate her needs or wishes but was still aware of her surroundings. I’m sure it didn’t help to know that her family was in disagreement over how to handle her care and her final arrangements, and as much as I love my cousins, I’m thankful I didn’t have to be in the middle of their differences of opinion.

It’s astounding to realize that this is more than a bad dream – that I’ve actually been watching my loved ones die. A colleague of mine said that when she was going through the process with her parents, it seemed surreal. That’s a good word to describe what this is like. The good daughter in me wants to be there to support my dad – and my mom – as they deal with this disease and what it is slowly doing to his body. I want to be there to help him sit up and to hear what he has to say, regardless of how difficult it sometimes is to understand him since weakness has affected his voice as well. I want to meet with the doctors and get a better understanding of what’s happening to my dad, so that I might be better able to deal with what comes when it comes. But it is also extraordinarily difficult to be there amid sickness and sadness and waiting when life is busy moving forward outside of the confines of my parents’ house.  For me, Mom & Dad are a plane ride away from my husband and kids and I'm torn each time they drop me off at the airport.

Time changes when you’re in the middle of the death watch. On one hand, it goes quickly as you busy yourself with giving medications, meeting with medical providers and taking care of day-to-day tasks. And I take a deep breath each time I know my dad has made it to see another day. On the other hand time is eerily slow, as it seemed as we watched my aunt struggle with each breath she took. During these moments, time seems cruel and tortuous.  But the one thing we can't change is that, eventually, the time will come for each one of us.  I don't think knowing that makes things easier, but accepting that can actually bring a smidgen of comfort during a difficult process - it's really not that someone is playing a cruel trick or that it's not fair.  Death is part of the natural progression of life, and I'm thankful I can look back and know that my dad has lived his life well.  I only hope I can say the same about my life when my time comes.